BLOGGER TEMPLATES AND TWITTER BACKGROUNDS

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

~ 27th July 2009 ~

11.30mlm

isteri ak ckp die skit prot... gua dah cuak dah...
nak kate dah nak bersalin ade lg sebulan...??

11.45mlm

Air ketuban bini gua dah PECAH!!! gua panik giler...
yg ade dlm pale otak gua time tue cume mama gua...
cepat2 gua amik phone gua call my mom...
"ABG!!! Anta ika G Hospital!!!" tue la yg mama gua
sound kat gua.....

12.00 Tgh mlm

Gua sampai kat Hospital Selayang....
Gua dok kalut sampai leh plak tertinggal I/C gua kat umah...
Ape lg,gua cepat2 patah blik umah,terpakse tinggalkan bini gua kat nurse..

12.30 pagi

Sampai kat hospital,gua registerkan bini gua,then doktor check bini gua..
Lame gak bini gua kene check,time tue even mate gua dah berat,gue kene tahan gak...

1.00 pagi

my beloved wife kuar,doc kate kene tunggu dul,sementara tue bini gua
kene masuk wad...

3.00 pagi

Gua dok kat luar wad tunggu bini gua,mate dah lebam,tp kene tahan dulu coz gua takut anak gua kuar nnti gua tertido...

4.00 pagi

Doc check lg bini gua...
Doc ckp maybe dlm tgh ari br leh masuk labour room...
time tue gua tgk bini gua kesian pon ade... muke dah pucat la...

10.45 pagi

Saat nie gua rase saat yg paling gua takut...
Bini gua dah masuk labour room...
Then x lame pas2,doc suruh gua masuk sekali...
dengan selambe gua masuk... time tue dah x pikir pon gua...
dalam pale gua time tue moga2 anak gua ngan bini gua selamat...

12.16 tgh hari

lepas sejam lebih bini gua bertarung,kuar la anak gua...

HERO!!
gua dapat baby boy... even gua dah scan,tp biler tgk die kuar je trus pancut kat mama die mmg seronok...
time tue la ati gua sebak,sedih,lega,seronok... sume ade beb...
time tue gua mmg bersyukur sgt...

Tue la perjalanan untuk anak gua Zulkarnain Danish Bin Mohamad Fadzil untuk melihat dunia nie....

** Sesape yg bace mini jurnal gua nie,cube la lu org syg bini lu...
Even org kate beranak nie sakit,tp pengalaman and kesedaran yg korg akan dpt lg besar...
Susah kite nak sedar betapa susahnye bini lu org nak mengandung,then beranak,after that nak jg baby lg....

So,gua nasihatkan kat sini,sayangi la bini lu org,Hargai la bini anda.....

Sunday, May 24, 2009

kubah terbang

Thursday, May 21, 2009

TAG For AwArd





TaG


Peraturan nak jawab tag ni ialah:

1. Copy badge "2009 Cute's 3logger Award" untuk diletakkan di

blog anda.



2. Link/ceritakan kembali siapa yang memberikan award ini

kepada anda.

...Wan Sopiah@Kepah...
http://www.greenwave-shinchan.blogspot.com/

3. Setiap blogger mesti menyatakan 10 fakta/hobi diri sendiri sebelum memilih penerima award seterusnya (anda di-tag).

1- suka kat duit...

2 - suka tgk anime...

3 - suka cari kwn...


4 - suka merepek ngan anak ak dlm prot mama die...


6 - aku nie mmg poyo hahahahaha...


7 - baran, xleh stress melampau...


8 - menggemari masakan chef IEKA...


9 - boring2 ak suke kaco bini ak...

10 - suke layan movie...



4. Anda perlu memilih 6 penerima award seterusnya dan

menyatakan nama dan URL mereka di blog

1 - babeieka
http://babeieka.blogspot.com/

2 - Wan Kepah
http://www.greenwave-shinchan.blogspot.com/

3 - BearTokun
http://cultusgti.blogspot.com/

4.MissEty
http://www.storiakudiadankamu.blogspot.com/


5. Jangan lupa untuk melawat blog mereka dan meninggalkan

komen yang menyatakan:

"ada taG untuk korang :) g kat blog aku k :)"



Monday, May 4, 2009

Mouse Tersepit

Seorang pelanggang telah menelefon HP Support Customer (HPSC) untuk mendapatkan bantuan tentang perinternya yang telah rosak.

Pelanggang : Encik, printer saya tidak berfungsi.

HPSC : Apa masalahnya encik.

Pelanggang : Kerana mouse telah tersepit.

HPSC : Tapi apa kena-mengena printer dengan mouse tersepit.

Pelanggang : Susah nak diterangkan. Nanti saya hantar gambar untuk tuan teliti.


Tersalah rendam...

Seorang pemuda yang akan berkahwin telah berjumpa seorang bomoh yang juga seorang pakar dalam masalah tenaga batin untuk mendapatkan sedikit petua.

Pemuda : Tok, saya akan berkahwin tidak lama lagi tetapi saya masih belum bersedia. Bagilah petua untuk saya menghadapi malam pertama nanti.

Bomoh : Malam pertama merupakan malam yang sangat penting bagi lelaki. Kamu seharusnya dapat memberi kepuasan yang tidak dapat dilupakan oleh isteri kamu nanti.

Pemuda : Bagaimanakah caranya tok bomoh.

Bomoh : Begini,kamu seharusnya membesarkan alat kelaminmu dan ini akan membuatkan isterimu menjerit pada malam pertamanya.

Pemuda : Bagaimana caranya tok ?

Bomoh : Kamu mesti merendam alat kelaminmu setiap malam dalam air teh setiap malam sehinggalah malam pertamamu.

Pemuda tersebut balik ke rumah dan melakukan apa yang dikata oleh tok bomoh pada setiap malam.

Pada malam pertamanya, tok bomoh juga berada dirumahnya. Tiba-tiba kedengaran isteri pemuda itu menjerit kuat. Tok bomoh mula terfikir akan kehebatan petua yang diberikannya kepada pemuda tersebut. Tiba-tiba pemuda tersebut keluar dari biliknya dengan wajah yang sedih. Tok bomoh hairan lalu bertanya kepada pemuda tersebut.

Bomoh : Kenapa cepat sangat..?

Pemuda : Saya punya memamng panjang tok tapi kenapa hanya sebesar pensil saja...?

Bomoh : Adakah kamu ikut petua yang tok ajarkan...?

Pemuda : Sudah tok. Tiap-tiap malam saya merendam saya punya dalam segelas air teh.

Bomoh : Teh apa yang kamu gunakan ?

Pemuda : ????????? Mustika Ratu - Slimming Tea tok...

Gangguan Bekalan Elektrik Di 5 Negeri

Kepada pengguna BEKALAN LETRIK yang dihormati sekalian..

Gangguan bekalan elaktrik telah dan sedang berlaku disebuah negeri di selatan tanah air.

Adalah dimaklumkan bahawa gangguan ini akan mengambil tempoh selama lebih kurang seminggu, sebelum ianya berakhir.

Kesulitan ini adalah disebabkan pencawang TNB yang voltannya 'terlebih' aktif dan gangguan ini akan berlaku di negeri-negeri berikut..


1. SELURUH NEGERI MELAKA
2. SELURUH NEGERI SEMBILAN
3. SEBAHAGIAN NEGERI SELANGOR
4. SEBAHAGIAN WILAYAH PERSEKUTUAN KUALA LUMPUR
5. SELURUH NEGERI JOHOR

PIHAK TENAGA NASIONAL BERHAD MALAYSIA INGIN MEMOHON MAAF KEPADA SEMUA PENGGUNA TERBABIT DAN BERHARAP AGAR SEMUA PENGGUNA MENGAMBIL LANGKAH SEWAJARNYA.


Harap maaf... (sila rujuk gambar di bawah untuk rujukan anda)












Cik Tina

Pada suatu pagi, Cik Tina ingin menghantar anaknya, Farid ke sekolah dengan menggunaka kereta barunya. Semasa hendak mengundurkan keretanya itu Cik Tina pun berpesan kepada anaknya :

Cik Tina : Farid, tolong tengok-tengokkan belakang kereta. Kalau langgar pokok beritahu ibu.

Farid: Baiklah , ibu!

Cik Tina: Kena tak ? Kena tak?

Farid: Belum, belum. Undurlah lagi ibu.

Cik Tina: Kena tak ? Kena tak?

Farid: Undur lagi, lagi, lagi .

Tiba-tiba terdengar bunyi yang kuat , bang !!

Farid: Okay ibu, dah kena pun pokok !

Cik Tina: Alamak ! Macam mana boleh terlanggar pokok? Habis kereta aku !

Farid: Kata ibu bila kena pokok beritahu, dah kena pokoklah itu !

bogel

Kitty dan suaminya sedang mandi bertelanjang dalam bilik air ditingkat atas rumah mereka, tiba tiba lonceng pintu berdering...ring ..ring..ring....Maka
si Kitty terus membungkus tubuhnya dengan tuala dan berlari kebawah untuk membuka pintu.

Rupa-rupanya, Robert jiran rumah mereka berdiri di depan pintu dan berkata " Oh..Minta maaf kerana menggangu u yang sedang mandi.."

Kitty menjawap " tidak apa, biasalah tu..apa u mahu"

Robert terus dengan ghairahnya menjawap " Ohh..Kitty..u mempunyai kulit putih melepak harus bak sutera , jika I offer u RM100.00 sanggupkah U menanggalkan tuala bahagian atas sebagai balasan???"

Dengan secepat kilat tanpa berfikir panjang maka ditanggalkan bahagian atas tuala memperlihatkan buah dadanya yang menbukit demi wang RM100.00..

"WOW" Robert dengan mata terbeliak menghayati buah dadanya yang secara langsung memberangsangkan semangatnya sekaligus menawarkan RM100.00 lagi kepada Kitty untuk menanggalkan kesemua tualanya!!

"kenapa tidak" balas Kitty "itu ganjaran yang amat lumayan" dan terus melonggarkan tualanya memperlihatkan keayuan tubuh yang mengiurkan tanpa seurat benang pun!!.

Maka Robert dengan air liur yang meleleh keluar dan merasa rimas yang amat ketara seperti disimbah air sejuk dengan bahagian zip seluar yang seakan-akan pecah terus menyerahkan Note Rm200.00 kepada Kitty tanda kepuasa yang tak terhingga sambil berlari pulang ke rumahnya untuk melakukan latihan 'menembak'.

apabila Kitty kembali ke bilik air untuk menyambung balik mandinya maka suaminya bertanya " Siapa yang membunyikan lonceng pintu ?"

"Jiran kita, Si Robert" Jawap Kitty

"Robert??" Tanya Suaminya "Adakah dia memulangkan Wang RM200.00 yang dipinjam dari saya tempoh hari??"

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Bos yang baik hati

Seorang boss entah macam mana mood dia memang baik sungguh pada hari nie..Sesiapa yang nak minta balik lima jam lebih awal hari nie dia kasitapi alasannya mestilah munasabah. Haaaa!!alasannya mestilah pasal sembahyang ajer ye! Tau-tau macam tu ader 4 orang pekerja bawahan datang mintak balik awal..

Pekerja 1 : A'salam Boss, boleh saya pulang? Saya balik nak sembahyang kat rumah boss, leh tak?Boss : Tak boleh!!!Kat sini kan ader surau, sembahyang jemaah lagi, lagi banyak pahalanya..!

Pekerja 2 : Saya boleh balik awai kut Boss?
Bosss : Hang apa pasai:
Pekerja 2 : Saya nak balik tengok anak saya sembahyang zohor ker tak?Ntah-ntah dia ponteng?Boss : Tak boleh balik, hang telefon saja bini hang suruh dia tengok!

Pekerja 3: Salam Boss!
Boss: Ha? pasal pulak ni?Nak balik awal gak ker?
Pekerja 3 : Errrrr!!Yer boss, boss baik!!he..heee!
Boss: Alasan apa lak ngko nie?
Pekerja 3 : Saya nak balik sembahyang orang mati.. Ada orang kampung saya meninggal pagi tadi, nak sembahyang jenazah…!Boleh kut boss yer pulang awal?
Boss : Tak bolehhh!!!Itu fardzu kifayah jer!Orang kampung lain yang ramai tu boleh sembahyangkan. Doa kat sini pun boleh!!Dah!Pergi buatkerja..

Pekerja 4: A'kum Boss! Saya nak balik awal boleh tak ari nie?
Boss : Naper?
Pekerja 4 : Isteri saya telefon, dia kater dia dah boleh sembahyang!
Boss: Yer ker? Ha! Kalu gitu awak baliklah…Kesian awak dah seminggu nunggu!!!

Monday, April 13, 2009

tok imam

Ada Empat Orang Tengah Tunggu Lif. Sorang Tu Doktor, Sorang Lagi Tu
Engineer, Yang Ketiga Tu Peguam Dan Yang Last Sekali Tok
Imam.Tengah-Tengah Boring Dok Tunggu Lif Tuh, Datang Le Sorang Awek Cun
Yang Teramat-Amatlah Seksi.

Bila Lif Sampai Semua Orang Pun Naik Le. Dalam Masa Lif Tu Nak Naik Ke
Atas, Tiba-Tiba Elektrik Terputus. Lif Tu Pun Berhentilah Dengan
Tiba-Tiba Dalam Keadaan Gelap Gelita. Dalam Black Out Tu, Mulalah Ada
Salah Sorang Dari Melaun Tu Gatal Pulak Nak Buat Kurang Ajar Dengan
Pompuan Seksi Tu. Puas Dia Dok Meraba Pompuan Tu Dalam Gelap!



Tiba-Tiba, Elektrik Dah Okay Balik. Pompuan Tu Pun Tengok Kat Si
Engineer, Lepas Tu Kat Si Doktor, Ketiga Kat Si Peguam. Last Sekali Kat
Tok Imam. Dengan Geramnya Minah Tu Bagi Si Tok Imam Satu Penampar Jepun
Yang Teramatlah Kuat."Heiii, Tua-Tua Bangka Pun Ada Hati Nak Meraba Lagi
Tu !!!"Jerit Si Pompuan Seksi Sambil Menunjuk Bijik Penumbuknya Kat Muka
Tok Iimam Tu..
Soalan : Ngapa Pompuan Tu Sure Gila Tok Imam Tu Yang Buat Dajal?



Kerana���. Tok Imam Tu Sorang Je Laki!!

pak pandir : xder paedah

Suatu hari Pak Pandir ingin memulakan satu perniagaan namun masih kekurangan
modal. Oleh itu Pak Pandir berhasrat utk membuat pinjaman di sebuah badan
pinjaman yg di taja oleh kerajaan pada masa itu. Berangkat laa Pak Pandir
bersama Mak Andir ke tempat tersebut.
Setibanya nya di sana Pak Pandir bertemu seorang pegawai di sana. Setelah
mengisi borang dan di temuduga berkata laa pegawai tersebut..
Pegawai : Setelah diteliti permohonan pakcik akan diluluskan secepat mungkin.
Jadi pihak kami akan memberi pakcik pinjaman sebanyak RM20,000.00 tanpa faedah.

Namun dengan muka yg bengis Pak Pandir bingkas bangun utk beredar. Terkejut laa
pegawai tersebut lalu bertanya.
Pegawai : Kenapa pakcik? Ada yg tak kena ke ?
Pak Pandir pun berpaling dan ngan nada yg tinggi berkata.
Pak Pandir : Nak buat ape aku buat pinjaman kalau tak ada "PAEDAH".. Buang masa
aku je laaa....

Pak Pandir pun beredar meninggalkan pegawai tersebut terpinga pinga.

burung kakak tua

Seorang suami yang baru pulang dari Luar negara telah membawa pulang Burung
Kakak Tua sebagai kenangan.
Isteri : "Kenapa abang beli burung ni? istimewa sangat ke?"
Suami : "Ooo.. awak nak tau ye?? Sambil mengangkat tangan kiri sambil memainkan
jarinya... secara spontan burung kakak tua itu menyanyi Lagu Pop...

Lalu lelaki itu menurunkan tangan kiri dan mengangkat tangan kanan burung kakak
tua itu menyanyikan Lagu Rock pula...
Isteri : "Bagaimana kalau kedua-dua tangan diangkat serentak?"
Suami : "Cubalah lah angkat kalau nak tahu.. !!"
Isterinya terus mengangkat kedua-dua belah tangannya dan terdengarlah...
Burung Kakak Tua : "SATU-SATU LAH... BODOH!!!"

anak nak kaya x??

Sewaktu si mamat dalam perjalanan manaiki kereta untuk pulang ke KL daripada JB
melalui lebuhraya, beliau berhenti rehat di salah sebuah hentian. Sewaktu
berehat maka datanglah kepadanya seorang tua yang berpakaian agak
compang-camping lalu menegurnya, "Anak nak ke mana?".
Si mamat menjawab ringkas, "KL"
Orang tua itu bertanya lagi, "Boleh pakcik tumpang sampai ke Pagoh" dan dijawab
oleh si mamat tadi "Ehm... bolehlah." Lantas orang tua itu masuk dan duduk di
dalam keretanya.
Dalam hati si mamat berkata, "Hai, siapalah orang tua nii, orang ke atau ???"
Beliau meneruskan perjalanannya.

Sebaik menghampiri Pagoh, orang tua tadi bertanya, "Anak nak kaya tak?" Si
mamat tersentak dan berkata dalam hati, "Dah buat dah orang tua ni. Nak bagi
aku kaya pulak. Orang tua ni nak bagi aku nombor kot. Atau nak menguji aku?"
Si mamat pun jawab, "Tak apalah pakcik, hidup sederhana pun cukup. Kalau kaya
nanti lupa diri pulak"
Orang tua tu tak bertanya lagi. Dalam hati si mamat berkata mungkin jawapannya
adalah yang terbaik takut-takut itu hanya ujian daripada orang tua tadi.

Kemudian orang tua tu tanya lagi, "Anak nak kaya tak?"
Si mamat jawab serupa yang tadi, "Tak apalah pakcik, saya lebih senang hidup
sederhana".

Bila sampai di Pagoh, orang tua itu minta diturunkan lalu berkata, "Tu, pakcik
ada tinggalkan satu tin kaya cap Yeo's untuk anak sebagai tanda terima kasih
kerana tumpangkan pakcik. Terima kasih, ya nak." lalu orang tua tu turun dari
kereta.
Si mamat tersipu-sipu malu lalu menjawab, "Terima kasihlah pakcik" lalu
meneruskan perjalanan

CURANG

Sepasang Suami isteri baru melangsungkan perkahwinan. Si Suami bertanya
isterinya samada dia boleh mempunyai sebuah laci khas untuk dirinya sahaja. Si
isterinya pun tanpa memikirkan yang bukan-bukan terus sahaja bersetuju.
Setelah 30 tahun berkahwin, si isteri tadi pun teringat kepada laci
persendirian suaminya dan bila diintainya didapati didalamnya terdapat 3 biji
bola golf dan duit sebanyak RM 2000.00.
Si isteri tadi terus mendapatkan suaminya untuk penjelasan. Setelah dipaksa
dengan bersungguh-sungguh si suami pun terpaksa menjelaskannya. Dia
menjelaskan, "setiap kali abang buat curang di luar, abang akan simpan sebiji
bola golf di dalam laci". Si isteri berfikir, "30 tahun kahwin baru ada 3 biji
bola?.. Hmm taklah jahat sangat". Habis tu apa kena mengena dengan duit RM
2000.00 tu?
"Setiap kali bola golf tu cukup sedozen, abang akan jual!".

Friday, April 10, 2009

Hargailah isteri anda......



Mulianya seorang isteri disisi Allah...
Dan betapa berharganya wanita yang bergelar isteri
ini pada keluarga, suami dan anak-anak
Rugi dan binasalah suami-suami yang tidak menghargai isteri
mereka kerana isteri inilah yang akan membantu mereka di akhirat kelak.
Biarlah buruk mana isteri anda,
sayangilah mereka......

Beruntungnya seorang wanita yg ada rahim ini ialah dia bekerja
dengan Tuhan... jadi 'kilang ' manusia.
Tiap-tiap bulan dia diberi cuti bergaji penuh...
7 sehingga 15 hari sebulan dia tak wajib sembahyang
tetapi Allah anggap diwaktu itu sembahyang terbaik darinya.
Cuti bersalin juga sehingga 60 hari,
Bila dah bersalin tu, susukanlah anak..jgn takut "kendur" atau menggelebeh pulak..
Si suami pulak, jgn la berebut dgn anak utk menyusu pulak….
Cuti ini bukan cuti suka hati
tapi cuti yang Allah beri sebab dia bekerja dengan Allah ,
Tapi bila dah habis cuti tu..layan lah suami.."offer" lah pada suami,
Nabi bersabda : berjimak dgn isteri itu pahala..jangan buat deekkk jeee,
Jangan buat alasan itu dan ini pulak….ingat tu si isteri yee!!!
Kata nak pahala lebih…

Orang lelaki tak ada cuti dari sembahyang.. ..
sembahyang wajib baginya dari baligh sehingga habis
nyawanya..

Satu lagi berita gembira untuk wanita,
Sepanjang dia mengandung
Allah sentiasa mengampunkan dosanya,
Lahir saja bayi seluruh dosanya habis.
Inilah nikmat Tuhan beri kepada wanita,
jadi kenapa perlu takut nak beranak?

Marilah kita pegang kepada tali Allah.
Seandainya wanita itu mati sewaktu bersalin, itu dianggap
mati syahid, Allah izinkan terus masuk Syurga.
Untuk orang bukan Islam, dia tak dapat masuk Syurga tapi
Allah beri kelonggaran siksa kubur.
Untuk peringatan semua wanita yang bersuami
seluruh kebaikan suaminya, semuanya isteri dapat pahala
tetapi dosa-dosa suami dia tak tanggung.

Diakhirat nanti seorang wanita solehah akan
terperanjat dengan pahala extra yang banyak dia
terima diatas segala kebaikan suaminya yang tak disedari.
Contohnya bila dia redho suaminya pergi berjemaah di masjid
atau ke majlis ilmu, bersedekah.. ganjaran Alah keatasnya jua..

Bila dia lihat suaminya tengah terhegeh-hegeh di titian
Sirat dia tak nak masuk syuga tanpa suaminya,
jadi dia pun memberi pahalanya kepada
suami untuk lepas masuk syurga.
Didunia lagi, kalau suami dalam kesusahan
isteri boleh bantu tambah lagi di akhirat.
Kalau seorang isteri asyik merungut,mulut selalu muncung
terhadap suami dia tak akan dapat pahala extra ini.

Manakala suami pula mempunyai tugas-tugas berat didalam dan
diluar rumah, segala dosa-dosa anak isteri yang tak dididik
dia akan tanggung ditambah lagi dengan dosa-dosa yang lain..
Dinasihatkan kepada semua wanita supaya faham akan syariat
Allah agar tidak derhaka denganNya.

Ses ungguhnya wanita dijadikan daripada rusuk kiri lelaki.
Dia bukan dicipta dari kepala ke kaki,juga bukan dari tapak
kaki. Dia dicipta dari sebelah rusuk kiri lelaki supaya dia hampir
kepada kamu(lelaki) ,lengan lelaki dicipta untuk mempertahankan
wanita,dekat dengan hati lelaki untuk disayangi.

Woman was made from the rib of man,
She was not created from his head to top him,
Nor from his feet to be stepped upon,
She was made from his side to be close to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
Near his heart to be loved by him.

"Wahai Tuhan...
ku tak layak ke syurgamu ...
namun tak pula aku sanggup ke nerakamu...
kamilah hamba yang mengharap belas darimu ...

"Ya Allah...
jadikanlah kami hamba2 mu yang bertaqwa ..
ampunkan dosa2 kami, kedua ibubapa kami,
dosa semua umat2 islam yang masih hidup mahupun yang telah
meninggal dunia"......


Kubur itu gelap, cahayanya ialah Laa Ilaaha IllalLah.
Jika diletakkan langit dan bumi di sebelah dacing, dan kalimah ini
di sebelah yang satu lagi, pasti lebih berat lagi nilai kalimah 'Laa ilaaha illalLah' ini.
Rasulullah saw. bersabda (mafhumnya): "Wahai manusia! Ucaplah 'Laa ilaaha illalLah', kamu pasti berjaya!"

Marilah kita ucapkan kalimah ini:
"Laa ilaaha illallah!" x 10


Radioku...




Semasa hendak tidur, seorang isteri berkata kepada suaminya............

Isteri : Abang nak tau tak ?

Suami : Apa dia?

Isteri : Perempuan ni lebih kurang macam radio.

Suami : Radio?.... Macam mana tu?

Isteri : Mulut ni jadi speaker.

Suami : Lagi...

Isteri : Buah dada kiri ni kiri sebagai tuner. buah dada kanan ni pulaksebagai volume...

Suami : Aaa... ah? Boleh abang cuba on kan radio ni tak?

Isteri : Boleh saja.... kan radio ni abang punye....

Suami : (Terus menyentuh buah dada kanan isterinya) Tak ada bunyi pun...

Isteri : Nak bunyi macamana... Abang belum cucuk "plug" nya lagi....

kisah isteri yang bisu!!


Alkisah ada seorang perempuan bisu yang sudahpun berkahwin, pada suatu hari, dia telah ke supermarket untuk membeli daging, tetapi disebabkan dia bisu, dia mempunyai kesusahan untuk berkomunikasi dengan para pekerja di sana.

Disebabkan begitu, dia membuat keputusan untuk memanggil kashier masuk dalam bilik.

Pada hari yang pertama, dia nak beli dada ayam. Dia pun panggil kashier tu masuk dalam bilik sulit, pompuan tu bukak baju dia, tunjuk kat dada dia, pastu buat aksi ayam. Kashier tu pun paham, then dia pun kasi dada ayam kat dier.

Next day, dia nak beli paha ayam. Dia pun panggil kashier masuk bilik, dia angkat skirt dia, tunjuk kat paha dia, pastu buat aksi ayam. Kashier tu pun paham, kasi dia paha ayam.

The next day lagi, dia nak beli hot-dog. Dia pun bawak suami dia.

Soalannya ialah:

Apakah isteri tu akan buat?



Fikirlah....



Fikir.......





Tak tau?

Dia suruh suami dia cakapla sebab....suami dia tak bisu..
Apa yang korang fikirkan ha?

Advantage of E-Commerce


An introduction into e-commerce
E-commerce advantages and disadvantages
E-commerce provides many new ways for businesses and consumers to communicate and conduct business. There are a number of advantages and disadvantages of conducting business in this manner.
E-commerce advantages
Some advantages that can be achieved from e-commerce include:
Being able to conduct business 24 x 7 x 365 . E-commerce systems can operate all day every day. Your physical storefront does not need to be open in order for customers and suppliers to be doing business with you electronically.
Access the global marketplace . The Internet spans the world, and it is possible to do business with any business or person who is connected to the Internet. Simple local businesses such as specialist record stores are able to market and sell their offerings internationally using e-commerce. This global opportunity is assisted by the fact that, unlike traditional communications methods, users are not charged according to the distance over which they are communicating.
Speed. Electronic communications allow messages to traverse the world almost instantaneously. There is no need to wait weeks for a catalogue to arrive by post: that communications delay is not a part of the Internet / e-commerce world.
Marketspace. The market in which web-based businesses operate is the global market. It may not be evident to them, but many businesses are already facing international competition from web-enabled businesses.
Opportunity to reduce costs. The Internet makes it very easy to 'shop around' for products and services that may be cheaper or more effective than we might otherwise settle for. It is sometimes possible to, through some online research, identify original manufacturers for some goods - thereby bypassing wholesalers and achieving a cheaper price.
Computer platform-independent . 'Many, if not most, computers have the ability to communicate via the Internet independent of operating systems and hardware. Customers are not limited by existing hardware systems' (Gascoyne & Ozcubukcu, 1997:87).
Efficient applications development environment - 'In many respects, applications can be more efficiently developed and distributed because the can be built without regard to the customer's or the business partner's technology platform. Application updates do not have to be manually installed on computers. Rather, Internet-related technologies provide this capability inherently through automatic deployment of software updates' (Gascoyne & Ozcubukcu, 1997:87).
Allowing customer self service and 'customer outsourcing'. People can interact with businesses at any hour of the day that it is convenient to them, and because these interactions are initiated by customers, the customers also provide a lot of the data for the transaction that may otherwise need to be entered by business staff. This means that some of the work and costs are effectively shifted to customers; this is referred to as 'customer outsourcing'.
Stepping beyond borders to a global view. Using aspects of e-commerce technology can mean your business can source and use products and services provided by other businesses in other countries. This seems obvious enough to say, but people do not always consider the implications of e-commerce. For example, in many ways it can be easier and cheaper to host and operate some e-commerce activities outside Australia. Further, because many e-commerce transactions involve credit cards, many businesses in Australia need to make arrangements for accepting online payments. However a number of major Australian banks have tended to be unhelpful laggards on this front, charging a lot of money and making it difficult to establish these arrangements - particularly for smaller businesses and/or businesses that don't fit into a traditional-economy understanding of business. In some cases, therefore, it can be easier and cheaper to set up arrangements which bypass this aspect of the Australian banking system. Admittedly, this can create some grey areas for legal and taxation purposes, but these can be dealt with. And yes these circumstances do have implications for Australia's national competitiveness and the competitiveness of our industries and businesses.
As a further thought, many businesses find it easier to buy and sell in U.S. dollars: it is effectively the major currency of the Internet. In this context, global online customers can find the concept of peculiar and unfamiliar currencies disconcerting. Some businesses find they can achieve higher prices online and in US dollars than they would achieve selling locally or nationally. Given that banks often charge fees for converting currencies, this is another reason to investigate all of your (national and international) options for accepting and making online payments.
In brief, it is useful to take a global view with regard the potential and organization of your e-commerce activities, especially if you are targeting global customers.
A new marketing channel. The Internet provides an important new channel to sell to consumers. Peterson et al. (1999) suggest that, as a marketing channel, the Internet has the following characteristics:
the ability to inexpensively store vast amounts of information at different virtual locations
the availability of powerful and inexpensive means of searching, organising, and disseminating such information
interactivity and the ability to provide information on demand
the ability to provide perceptual experiences that are far superior to a printed catalogue, although not as rich as personal inspection
the capability to serve as a transaction medium
the ability to serve as a physical distribution medium for certain goods (e.g., software)
relatively low entry and establishment costs for sellers
no other existing marketing channel possesses all of these characteristics.
Some of these advantages and their surrounding issues are discussed below in further detail.
E-commerce disadvantages and constraints
Some disadvantages and constraints of e-commerce include the following.
Time for delivery of physical products . It is possible to visit a local music store and walk out with a compact disc, or a bookstore and leave with a book. E-commerce is often used to buy goods that are not available locally from businesses all over the world, meaning that physical goods need to be delivered, which takes time and costs money. In some cases there are ways around this, for example, with electronic files of the music or books being accessed across the Internet, but then these are not physical goods.
Physical product, supplier & delivery uncertainty . When you walk out of a shop with an item, it's yours. You have it; you know what it is, where it is and how it looks. In some respects e-commerce purchases are made on trust. This is because, firstly, not having had physical access to the product, a purchase is made on an expectation of what that product is and its condition. Secondly, because supplying businesses can be conducted across the world, it can be uncertain whether or not they are legitimate businesses and are not just going to take your money. It's pretty hard to knock on their door to complain or seek legal recourse! Thirdly, even if the item is sent, it is easy to start wondering whether or not it will ever arrive.
Perishable goods . Forget about ordering a single gelato ice cream from a shop in Rome! Though specialised or refrigerated transport can be used, goods bought and sold via the Internet tend to be durable and non-perishable: they need to survive the trip from the supplier to the purchasing business or consumer. This shifts the bias for perishable and/or non-durable goods back towards traditional supply chain arrangements, or towards relatively more local e-commerce-based purchases, sales and distribution. In contrast, durable goods can be traded from almost anyone to almost anyone else, sparking competition for lower prices. In some cases this leads to disintermediation in which intermediary people and businesses are bypassed by consumers and by other businesses that are seeking to purchase more directly from manufacturers.
Limited and selected sensory information. The Internet is an effective conduit for visual and auditory information: seeing pictures, hearing sounds and reading text. However it does not allow full scope for our senses: we can see pictures of the flowers, but not smell their fragrance; we can see pictures of a hammer, but not feel its weight or balance. Further, when we pick up and inspect something, we choose what we look at and how we look at it. This is not the case on the Internet. If we were looking at buying a car on the Internet, we would see the pictures the seller had chosen for us to see but not the things we might look for if we were able to see it in person. And, taking into account our other senses, we can't test the car to hear the sound of the engine as it changes gears or sense the smell and feel of the leather seats. There are many ways in which the Internet does not convey the richness of experiences of the world. This lack of sensory information means that people are often much more comfortable buying via the Internet generic goods - things that they have seen or experienced before and about which there is little ambiguity, rather than unique or complex things.
Returning goods. Returning goods online can be an area of difficulty. The uncertainties surrounding the initial payment and delivery of goods can be exacerbated in this process. Will the goods get back to their source? Who pays for the return postage? Will the refund be paid? Will I be left with nothing? How long will it take? Contrast this with the offline experience of returning goods to a shop.
Privacy, security, payment, identity, contract. Many issues arise - privacy of information, security of that information and payment details, whether or not payment details (eg credit card details) will be misused, identity theft, contract, and, whether we have one or not, what laws and legal jurisdiction apply.
Defined services & the unexpected . E-commerce is an effective means for managing the transaction of known and established services, that is, things that are everyday. It is not suitable for dealing with the new or unexpected. For example, a transport company used to dealing with simple packages being asked if it can transport a hippopotamus, or a customer asking for a book order to be wrapped in blue and white polka dot paper with a bow. Such requests need human intervention to investigate and resolve.
Personal service . Although some human interaction can be facilitated via the web, e-commerce can not provide the richness of interaction provided by personal service. For most businesses, e-commerce methods provide the equivalent of an information-rich counter attendant rather than a salesperson. This also means that feedback about how people react to product and service offerings also tends to be more granular or perhaps lost using e-commerce approaches. If your only feedback is that people are (or are not) buying your products or services online, this is inadequate for evaluating how to change or improve your e-commerce strategies and/or product and service offerings. Successful business use of e-commerce typically involves strategies for gaining and applying customer feedback. This helps businesses to understand, anticipate and meet changing online customer needs and preferences, which is critical because of the comparatively rapid rate of ongoing Internet-based change.
Size and number of transactions. E-commerce is most often conducted using credit card facilities for payments, and as a result very small and very large transactions tend not to be conducted online. The size of transactions is also impacted by the economics of transporting physical goods. For example, any benefits or conveniences of buying a box of pens online from a US-based business tend to be eclipsed by the cost of having to pay for them to be delivered to you in Australia. The delivery costs also mean that buying individual items from a range of different overseas businesses is significantly more expensive than buying all of the goods from one overseas business because the goods can be packaged and shipped together.

What are the Disadvantages of Ecommerce?


Ecommerce, a shorter term for electronic commerce, was initiated sometime in the 1990s. It has changed the way businesses operate. People can simply go online to shop for things. This includes trouble-free payment and having the product delivered right at your doorstep. However, there are several disadvantages of ecommerce apart from all its ease and comfort.

It’s one thing to be able to physically examine a product you want to get. Ecommerce doesn’t allow you to do this. A buyer can only bank on their expectations of the product, the information provided by the supplier and the reviews from other customers in making their purchase.

Disadvantages of Ecommerce / The waiting game

The time spent on waiting and actually wondering if, not when, the product will arrive before they actually get their hands on it can be a process that is both uncertain and long for them as opposed to that of going into a shop, having the privilege of scrutinizing the product before buying it and going home with it totally satisfied. Assurance of customer contentment should be one of the disadvantages of ecommerce that online establishments should consider to rid.

When customers don’t get what they expect and are disgruntled with the product bought from an online shopping site, it would take quite a lengthy process in complaining and sending it back. When they do that, one question on their minds would be, “Who would shoulder the postage expenses?” When customers send products back, they don’t have the assurance of getting their money back. Seeking for legal action will also be burdensome for the customers especially in cases when there is an issue of distance.


The risk of credit cards

Paying for a product by credit card can also pose as one of the disadvantages of Ecommerce. A card holder can be skeptical with security issues on the card information and their finances as well. Hacking has become rampant nowadays and the fear of such can discourage consumers from doing online shopping.

Shops provide personal interaction with buyers. Sales agents are hired to wait on customers and answer their queries. This personal touch is lost in Ecommerce. Business is done with machines and computers that the customer is detached from everything else. However personal an online shopping site is designed, it still doesn’t live up to the service given by attendants. There’s no such thing as being treated well as a consumer by personalized customer service.


Who are you dealing with?

The disadvantages of ecommerce can also be experienced by companies engaging in it. Constant and religious updating of product information can be tedious and time-consuming. Doing business on a high scale also equates to high production cost, not to mention numerous phone calls and mailings necessary to keep the business up-to-date and maintain clientele.
some disadvantages and constraints of e-commerce include the following.
1. It is possible to visit a local music store and walk out with a compact disc or a bookstore and leave with a book. E-commerce is often used to buy goods that are not available locally from businesses all over the world, meaning that physical goods need to be delivered, which takes time and costs money.
2. Unable to Examine Products Personally: If we buy products through the internet, we are not able to examine the products physically and the quality of the product. Images of the products may be available for viewing. But we can’t buy the product by seeing the image on the internet. There is a risk involved in the quality of the product that the consumer is purchasing.
3. The biggest disadvantage of e-commerce is the issue of security. Even with the improvements with data encryption, there is still the danger of someone getting a hold of your personal and financial information. If someone gets your credit card, they can go to one of these sites and purchase items without proving who they are. All they need is your name and credit card number which is already printed on the card.
4. Reduced marketing/advertising expenses compete on equal footing with much bigger companies; easily compete on quality, price, and availability.
5. The Internet is an effective conduit for visual and auditory information: seeing pictures, hearing sounds and reading text. However it does not allow full scope for our senses: we can see pictures of the flowers, but not smell their fragrance; we can see pictures of a hammer, but not feel its weight or balance. Further, when we pick up and inspect something, we choose what we look at and how we look at it. This is not the case on the Internet. If we were looking at buying a car on the Internet, we would see the pictures the seller had chosen for us to see but not the things we might look for if we were able to see it in person. And, taking into account our other senses, we can't test the car to hear the sound of the engine as it changes gears or sense the smell and feel of the leather seats. There are many ways in which the Internet does not convey the richness of experiences of the world. This lack of sensory information means that people are often much more comfortable buying via the Internet generic goods - things that they have seen or experienced before and about which there is little ambiguity, rather than unique or complex things.
6. Normally, customer will only limit to certain area.
7. The company needs well-skilled and trained workers to maintain and create the ecommerce facilities of the company. Many companies prefer to outsource their development and programming tasks to decrease labor costs.
8. A company can have a website and exist within the Internet but there may not be enough people visiting the site and purchasing services or products from the company. The Internet provides less expensive advertising but also because of its sheer vastness and the existence of websites of established businesses, it is critical to create a website that is “sticky” enough to attract market share and create loyalty among the acquired market share.



cerita blue...(blue ker)....???

cerita blue...(blue ker)....???


Cerita 1
Aminah merenung batang yang semakin menegak itu,
dia terus mengusap-usapbatang tersebut,
kelihatan air putih mengalir keluar.
Aminah pun menjerit
"..Nek lemang ni nak buat macam mana, dah masak rasanya.."..


Cerita 2
Jalal meramas-ramas kemuncak kedua-dua bukit kecil itu,
hatinya puas dansemangatnya semakin berkobar-kobar,
jari-jemarinya terus menguli tanpa henti.
Jalal tidak sabar hendak menyiapkan model untuk projek sainsnya itu yang bertajuk
"bentuk muka bumi di kawasan berbukit bukau."


Cerita 3
Zamrul menghisap-hisap puting itu dengan berhat-hati dan perlahan,
dia tidak mahu tergesa-gesa, sesekali lidah nya menyentuh lembut hujung puting itu
dan menyedut keluar sedikit susu ...
"cehhh masih panas, dah dekat satu jam aku rendam dalam air suam pun masih panas"
Anak Zamrul yang masih bayi terus menangis meminta susu. Zamrul semakin tension.


Cerita 4
Idham menjerit sambil menhenjut-henjut badannya dengan rakus dan kasar
"Come on baby, lets make it..."..katanya berulanag-ulang kali tanpa henti..
Kemuncaknya semakin tiba dan Idham kelihatan semakin rakus memacu kudanya untuk menamatkan perlumbaan itu, dia bertekad untuk memenangi tempat pertama dalam perlumbaan itu.


Cerita 5
Bahagian belakang kereta itu bergegar dan berhenjut-henjut.
Alman yang dari tadi mengintip dari celah-celah pokok dapat melihat dua susuk tubuh manusia sedang melakukan sesuatu didalam kegelapan itu. Alman terus mendiamkan diri, dia takut kehadirannya akan disedari. Tetapi setelah lama mengintip Alman pun lantas bangun dan segera menawarkan khidmatnya untuk membantu mereka menukarkan tayar kereta mereka yang pancit itu.


**Kesimpulannya, Jika anda langsung tidak terfikirkan aper-aper mengenai seks semasa membaca 5 cerita diatas, ini bermaksud anda bukanya seorang yang normal. Sebaliknya jika anda terfikirkan sesuatu yangberkaitan dengan seks....jangan ler anda risau, sebab anda adalah seorangyang normal..Tapi jangan terlebih pikir 18SX jer?ANDA MACAM MANA? saya normal.....hehehee

KEPENTINGAN OKSIGEN


Tanda-tanda awal kekurangan oksigen termasuk kelemahan keseluruhan, kelesuan, masalah peredaran darah, masalah penghadaman, kesakitan otot, pening, kemurungan, hilang ingatan, tidak rasional, lekas marah, perut berasid dan masalah pernafasan.
Jelas badan manusia hari ini tidak berfungsi dengan berkesan disebabkan kekurangan oksigen. Kekurangan oksigen yang kronik, atau keadaan anaerobik, pada tahap sel akan membawa kepada pengumpulan toksin berbahaya dan kumuhan berasid di dalam sistem kita, menjadikannya tempat pembiakan bakteria, virus dan patogen. Lebihan kumuhan berasid di dalam badan manusia adalah penyebab utama penyakit. Keadaan anaerobik boleh menyebabkan mutasi sel.
Apabila sistem imun mengalami kekurangan oksigen, badan akan menjadi lebih terdedah kepada jangkitan bakteria, virus dan parasit, serta demam selesema.
Kekurangan oksigen boleh juga membawa penyakit yang membawa maut seperti kanser. Kanser dan kebanyakan jangkitan atau penyakit tidak boleh hidup di dalam persekitaran yang kaya dengan oksigen. Menurut Dr. Otto Warburg, pemenang Hadiah Nobel sebanyak 2 kali, “Penyebab utama kanser adalah penggantian pernafasan biasa sel badan dengan pernafasan sel secara anearobik ( kekurangan oksigen).
Salah satu cara yang kita boleh amalkan untuk meningkatkan kadar oksigen dalam badan kita ialah menjaga air minuman kita. Minumlah air Dr. Nano yang berfungsi Antioksidan dan juga mengandungi oksigen yang lebih tinggi setiap hari.
Artikal-artikal yang berkaitan dengan kepentingan oksigen:-
1. “Semua penyakit kronik berpunca daripada kekurangan oksigen yang berlaku di peringkat sel” oleh Authur C. Guyton, M.D. (The textbook on Medical Physiology)
2. “Jelas serangan jantung berpunca daripada ketidak-sempurnaan bekalan oksigen kepada tisu jantung” oleh Phillip Stavish, M.D. (Oxygen Deficiency Linked to Increase in Disease)
3. “Kekurangan oksigen menjadi punca utama sel-sel normal bertukar menjadi sel-sel kanser” oleh Dr. Harry Goldblatt (Journal of Experimental Medicine)
4. “Hypoxia atau bekalan oksigen yang rendah ke tisu-tisu menjadi punca utama terjadinya penyakit kronik” dan “Okigen berperanan utama dalam istem imum” oleh Steven A. Levine, Ph.D. & Parris M. Kidd, Ph.D (Antioxidant Adaption)
5. “Kekurangan oksigen menjejaskan proses pengoksidaan yang diperlukan dalam menghasilkan tenaga dan baik-pulih sel. Proses ini penting kerana ia menentukan hidup dan mati untuk sel” oleh Stephen R. Krauss (Oxygen: Nature’s Most Important Dietary Supplement)
6. “Bagi mengelak penyakit akibat daripada kekurangan oksigen, penting sekali oksigen dibekalkan melalui nutrisi yang mengandungi oksigen yang stabil” oleh Jolin Muntz, D.O., Ph.D (The Case for Stabilized Oxygen)

X Pasti


Ape Tue???
Sape yang leh tolong explain....

4 Anak Pompuan :)

Mak Minah dan Pak Mat ada 4 org anak
perempuan yang sangat disayangi
iaitu Siti, Seri, Murni dan Suri. Satu hari mereka
berpakat utk kahwinkan anak2 ni serentak.

Selepas selamat diijabkabulkan, ke-empat2 anak tu
pun bercadang untuk pegi honeymoon. Siti pegi
honeymoon ke Pulau Langkawi, Seri ke Pulau Tioman,
Murni ke Pulau Kapas dan Suri ke Pulau Pangkor.

Sebelum pegi Mak Minah dan Pak Mat
berpesan, "nanti jgn lupa hantar berita pada mak dan ayah.
Ceritakan macam mana honeymoon korang. Tak payah
tulis panjang2, pakai kod iklan aja dah cukup.
Ringkas, padat dan cepat." panjang lebar Mak Minah memberi
arahan pada anak2nya.

Seminggu lepas tu depa terimalah surat dari Siti
yang bertulis 'Standard Chartered' . Tercari2lah
kedua suami isteri ni iklan Standard Chartered
dan bila jumpa tersenyum le kedua2nya membaca
iklan yang bertulis "Besar, teguh dan peramah"..
Bahagialah Si Siti rupanya..

Esoknya terima pula surat Seri yang bertulis
'Nescafe'. Carilah iklan Nescafe dan tersenyum
lagi keduanya membaca iklan yang
bertulis "Nikmatnya hingga ke titisan yang terakhir"
Bahagialah Si Seri rupanya...

Selang beberapa hari kemudian, tiba pula surat
Murni bertulis 'KFC'. Carilah iklan KFC dan tersenyum
keduanya membaca iklan yang bertulis 'Hingga
Menjilat Jari'... Bahagialah Si Murni rupanya...

Seminggu berlalu, tiada surat dari Suri, Mak
Minah dan Pak Mat dah risau. Dua Minggu... tak ada
jugak.. masuk minggu ke3 baru sampai surat dari
Suri dengan isi kandungannya "AIR ASIA ".

Bergegas le Mak Minah cari iklan penerbangan
tu sbb tak sabar nak tau apa yg jadi kat anak
bongsunya.....
Bila dibaca, Mak Minah dan Pak Mat terkulat2
tak tau nak senyum atau menangis.. Apa motto iklan
itu...??



"7 KALI SEMINGGU..3 JAM SEKALI.. NON-
STOP!!"

Awas!!! Tongkat Ali boleh menyebabkan kehilangan selera makan



Pada suatu pagi, seorang isteri dengan lembut telah bertanya kepada
suaminya, "Abang nak makan apa pagi, ni? Saya buatkan nasi lemak...nak?Atau
abang nak nasi goreng ke atau roti Canai ke? Atau saya buatkan roti telur
nak?"

Suaminya pun berkata,"Tak payahlah. Abang tak ada selera langsung nak
makan. Ini semua Tongkat Ali punya pasal". Sampai ke tengahari, isterinya
pun bertanya lagi, "Abang nak makan apa tengahari ni? Saya masakkan abang
kari daging...nak?
Atau abang nak makan ikan ke atau ayam ke? Saya boleh masakkan sambal atau
sup atau sweet & sour". Suaminya berkata lagi, "Tak payahlah. Abang masih
tak ada selera nak makan. Ini semua Tongkat Ali punya pasal".

Sampai ke malam, isterinya pun bertanya lagi, "Abang nak makan apa malam
ni? Saya masakkan abang ayam goreng ..nak? Atau abang nak makan fish &
chips ke atau burger ke? Atau abang nak hot-dog? Suaminya berkata
lagi,"Tak payahlah. Abang masih tak ada selera nak makan. Ini semua Tongkat
Ali punya pasal".

Lalu isterinya pun berkata, "Kalau begitu, boleh tak abang tolong bangun
dari atas saya sekejap. Saya nak pergi makan kerana dah lapar sangat
ni!!!!" "Dari pagi tadi tak makan" Ini semua Tongkat Ali Punya Pasal